Surrounding me : blow dryers running , country station playing softly and my grandmothers voice as she’s talking to her hairstylist about something and her stylist response” yeah that’s true, you never know about that hu? You never know…” I don’t even think she heard what she said… I’m just sitting here exhausted from little/no sleep. I couldn’t turn my skull off with the boyfriends party this weekend, thinking about how I missed trash day and did take the extra boxes that haven’t been moved around since we moved in December… Thinking about how frustrated I am that my freesias will not grow. Then I stare at my boyfriend while he sleeps and re read our texts from before/during our first month together . Feeling I can only make that feel come back that I had four months ago is to keep sweet talking him and having funny conversations. It’s not that I had lost it . It’s just monotonous . Wake up , have coffee, kiss goodbye, go to work, and come home , make dinner, watch tv, kiss goodnight. But the little things I between are what matter most. I can tell him how I feel and know that he will find a common ground and understand where I’m coming from. I can be a codependent one day and fiercely pushy the next . God forbid . If anything I am a hot one to Handel considering my past of significance in others by little to none and I never cared much for love just needed to always keep in mind to love myself .
But my sweetheart is the best and he’s always so kind and sweet . I’m pretty blessed with all I have . I can feel unimportant and he doesn’t mean to make me feel that way I just get wrapped up in my self and I think I can have a obscure sick and Ex thoughtful emotions about how I am.