I suck

At writing in these .





I design stuff at night . In the daytime I’m a girl who doesn’t care about my look/weight/judgement .
I’m a good person. I take care of my grandmother and keep her grass green. I water my garden and talk to my cat. I’m not very social . I’m not into white rappers and I hate the giants. I look for small things to enhance my way of life like wallet organizers and such. I buy fbreeze on clearance .

I’m starting a band .

2:09 am // cigarettes // instagram // Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is only three days away . I’ve seen her two times in a row this weekend 4 times in two weeks total . She gives me reasons to love others and in the same conversation to stand up for self and my ambitions.

I’m grateful we can talk and relate in so many levels. She stop me mid sentence and says ” I respect you” and i stare with a smile … Expect ion explanation. She explains ” well parents compare their children.” I can see now that her routines as a single mother , graduating with a minor in national communications and a major in economics , working a great job to raise me with good things. Vacations, awesome clothes, and healthy food and for me to not fall through the cracks.

I didn’t study hard in school . She tried to get me to like it. I didn’t make the school softball team in high school but I played rec leagues half of my child hood . My mother was a coach of my team the second year I played. Then a board member the third and forth year. I’m glad she was envolved and even though she was known as loud mouth anna” I look back and just think ” well you either love her or hate her” then the second though with easy and comfort is ” yep, she’s my mom” she was the one you did NOT want to piss off ! She was a smart, strong hearted person and still is that and I love her to death . She is aging well with good humor and we know enough about each other’s life’s that we could be categorized as best friends. We have shared our heartbreaks, hilarious laughing until our bellies hurt . When either of us gets a tattoo the other one come along just to hang out. She hasn’t bailed me out of jail “yet” and I’m glad she has never had too. She did have the officer at Avangelines walking through downtown Sacramento in handcuffs after stealing a blink 182 post card and a few green day stickers but only because she asked them to. She told the officer she wanted to teach me a lesson of humility and I’m sure she was humiliated just as much as I was.

I’m glad she can come to my home and hangout with me and I can teach her how to use Instagram after I tell her to download it. I’m a good teacher too btw. I love helping others improve their own skills and abilities .

Let’s hope she brings me my damn Easter basket tomorrow that she keeps forgetting .

Hope everyone has a great Mother’s Day and if she’s not around write her a letter and burn it into the atmosphere . She’ll get it .

My mother at my age of 25 ^


Me and mom at Buffalo Wild Wings –
Mother’s Day of 2013

Learning opportunities to love one another-

This love word has been the topic of many conversations I have had over the past week and just reflecting on thees conversations I’ve had multiple thoughts and some simple solutions to questions that have risen about when you love some one.

My conclusion has been presented to me through others loving me(unconditionally) love and unconditional love are the two complicated games if you make it that way. The coming inanimate is the unconditional part.

What’s that word love mean? When some loves you, how do you know they mean it ?
Fear of insecure and sensitive topics when you love someone, they love you weather you are in your best and you know they love you when they are there to help you through your worst.
If only people didn’t have to be insecure and or so vague with throwing around the word love there wouldn’t be insecurity Because when you say you love some one and the difference between really loving them is complex unless you separate the too from selfish and inconsiderate and unthoughtful motives, it is an order no one will understand until they find and search for the right people who can show them that unconditional love that we were born with to have love and be shown love.
Love is sensitive and our hearts are full of wants, needs and desire, nor does it even begin crush that dangerous territory of emotion and memories in witch we might be holding in our past with hesitant grace. Love is only a wood work of the genuine and kind hearted people who give enough of themselves to simple care for another person. That means they should you by acting with integrity and building your trust . Love isn’t hurtful therefor disowning trust in an other is only a flaw of being human. Making obstinate of reality that when catering to only yourself can not be love that is greed.
another observation for me in my personal relationships is of the word Understanding and understanding the other person is a true awareness that we, a living breathing organism, always searching for sex, security and a high standard in today’s sub par soviet society can easily forget and understanding of others emotions, behavior, and social concerns just go unnoticed with forfeit of territory battle on the front of “you just don’t understand”. And standing be hind that you don’t grow with one another .

Letting go of past misfortunes and scenarios when you thought you were in love and got hit by a drain one day, saying is wasn’t your fault or even not placing the blame on the other. It probably wasn’t love. Love evolves and grows as we form relationships with care and understanding and also a common respect of treating people the way you want to be treated. Talking about the ideas and things that stem from the word love is infinite. I’m glad the world can’t all wake up one day and stop loving. It isn’t a topic that comes up as often but thank god I have the ones around me who are learning to love and are also asking about it . It makes me really happy to know that they are positive and searching for true happiness . I’m glad I can join this journey . That is all .